Mary Janes Story
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(On Tuesday January 2nd 2008) I went to the auction to get hay. This had been the way I have bought hay for the better part of the last 2 years. I hate it because there is no consistency in the hay or the price. There is never any guarantee one would even be able to get hay! So many buyers, it's almost a 4 to 1 kind of thing.
The hay I bought was a bit nicer than the hay from the previous auction (that hay was nice too) but this new hay has a bit more alfalfa in it. So When I introduced Mary Jane (all horses) to new hay like that, I start in small increments, mixed with other hay she was used to eating. I usually shake the hay all out and thoroughly mix it together, I was doing this most of the time but the day leading up to her death, I hadn't done that.
(Wednesday the 3rd earlier in the day) I was on the phone gabbing and I walked to the windows to oversee the horses, I watched Mary Jane lay down in the snow. I said, "OH, here we go again! Mary Jane is laying in the snow. This isn't something my horses do, they will roll in the snow but not lay in it!" (they wait for the dry stalls for that). Anyhow she laid down for just a couple of minutes then got up, walked around a bit, then laid back down for a little longer. Mary Jane has done this to me solid for the last year. After this little bout, she acted fine the rest of the day!
She would get "gas colic" it would last a little while, then it would be gone. On the days where I could tell it was a little worse than normal (like 3out of 10 times), I would give her half dose of banamine and keep her going (walking) and with in a few hours she was feeling much better.
As for Thursday during the day she seamed fine, I'll have to admit I didn't spend a ton of time out with the horses as the weather was crap. When I was down there feeding, she was excited to be getting hay, she warned Drexie as usual to stay away from her pile, she was active and moving about. I thought everything was fine! Or was it? Each time I went out to give hay that day, it was all very typical.
Thursday evening I brought the horses in approximately 8:30. First in, is the colt, then I go back out to get the girls and they run about waiting their turn (no patients with these girls). Once in their stalls two of them go to eating their food but Mary Jane went to lay down. (OH Man not again) So I observed her for a while. I listened to her passing gas (which I thought was a good thing) but I could see in her eyes that she wasn't feeling good. I went to the house and got the banamine, went back to the barn and gave her a dose. Again I sat with her a while and when she stopped laying down and wanted to eat her food, I came to the house thinking all was going to work it self out again, the way it had so many times in the past.
I did a few things in the house, did some gabbing at my computer. I had told a couple people about Mary Jane's episode and had even posted on the message board of her not feeling well (which was unusual for me to do) was it coincidence, intuition, or just plain irony?
An hour and half had passed and I bundled up, went down to the barn to find her, doing circles in her stall, laying down, trying to roll and getting back up to do it all again, there was never any brake from it, she was doing these actions fast and couldn't find comfort. I brought her outside and was trying to walk her in almost 0 degree temps with high winds and very low wind chill. It was worse out side with her because here she could get down and I couldn't keep her up at all... She had a small bm out there and I was hoping to see her pass more but there was nothing.
She was sweating profusely and wouldn't stay up. I brought her back into he barn and called the vet. I new all ready at this point It would take a miracle to save Mary. I had no Idea of how sick she was when I brought her in at 8:30 or I would have called the vet right away. (She was like the little boy who cried wolf!)
She was in absolute misery trying to get her self lodged against the wall, laying on her back with her legs up in the air. The look in her eyes was that of longing for death! It seamed as tho hours had passed before the vet got here. When he did, I walked out of the barn to greet him and he asked if she was still with us and I told him she was but I didn't see her making it through the night. He was probably thinking (geesh thanks for the vote of confidence). He sent me for the warm water and made his way to the barn with meds in hand. I got down there and he asked if she had been cast like that for long? I told him, "this is what she keeps doing but she wouldn't stay that way for long, before she would get up and do it again".
We got her up and I tried with everything I had to hold this mare up and still so the Doc could administer the first vile. He barely got her stuck and she started thrashing about knocking us over. This happened three times before he got it in her, it took all of 2 minutes for it to take affect and then quietly she stood while he injected her with 2 more vials.
Then came the tube, she was very tolerable while it was being inserted. I just stood there not wanting to make a sound or do anything that was remotely distracting to the Doc. I was going to make sure he could do his job with out any interference from me. I just watched his face, watched my girl and hoped he would say something soon. I didn't want Mary to suffer one more minute if that was the prognosis!
While he was tubing her, not long into it, he felt he had come to a blockage. Then she started bleeding from her nose, there was so much blood and it was all on me literaly and in so many ways! All the What ifs and should have dones!!!
Then the meds were wearing off and she started to become more and more agitated, pawing at the ground and thrashing around again. So the Doc dosed her up again? He knew what was coming next, I'm pretty sure of it, however he didn't want to let me down. He wanted to be sure, I knew he was doing all that could be done, before he told me. I just didn't want my poor girl to suffer any more so I said to Doc, " we need to put her down don't we!?"
As we talked about scenarios and what could be done for some horses, I knew these weren't options for Mary Jane. My sweet mare, not a mean bone in her was willing to hurt me because of the amount of pain she was in. I have put her through enough, there was not one more minute that went by that was fast enough to take her out of her pain.
I brought her out of the barn and I had hoped she could just lay down one last time for the last needle she would ever feel. I was yet again being selfish as I didn't want to be holding that end of the lead when she went down. I barely had time to say good by to her and she was gone.
I did my best to control myself until my vet left. I tried to keep myself calm with the tiny bit of relief, that she wasn't suffering any more. Drained, beat up emotionally and physically, I went back into the barn to comfort the 2 that were left, to put them side by side so they felt a little more secure. I told them how sorry I was and shut the light off.
I had to walk to the house all alone in the dark, my goal was to make it to the house but as I came to where sweet Mary lay. All I could do was toss myself down next to her, crying and saying how sorry I was.
I later found out that both Mary's Dam and Grand Dam have passed the same way, relatively close in that age frame too.... Was this a hereditary thing or coincidence? Was there anything I could have done to save her, or was this her fate? Was she ill sense that Wednesday and it progressed to this or did it really all come on so violent that fast?
